A groundbreaking research has just surfaced, and might possibly change the world as we know it. Researchers at MIT have found, that contrary to popular belief, throwing trash in the trash can is actually not harmful, and is completely safe.
Previously, throwing trash away was thought to be associated with diseases such as skin cancer, respiratory problems, and spinal fractures. The dangers associated with throwing garbage away was something that had especially plagued the minds of the students of LSE, as is evident by the rising number of wrappers and empty plates in the Main Café tables.
“We were always told that throwing away empty wrappers is incredibly dangerous and can possibly lead to an untreatable form of Skin Cancer,” says Ashraf Khan Ashraf, a second-year student at LSE, “therefore, we were all scared of picking it up and disposing of it, so we never did.” And surely a casual five minutes spent in any one of LSE’s cafes will tell you just this; the students are terrified of waste disposal. The students come, sit and eat, and then leave their wrappers and whatnot right there on the table because they don’t have a choice.
It’s either leave the garbage or pick it up and risk contracting scary diseases. Because of these apparent dangers, LSE had to come up with innovative ways to dispose its garbage without actually touching it, including (but not limited to) one person holding open a garbage bag, and the other using the end of a broom to push the wrappers and plates into the bag, which are not only costly but also look ridiculous. One particular table in the Main Cafe has affectionately been dubbed ‘Mount Everwaste’ (a play on the words Mount Everest) owing to the fact that the garbage on it hasn’t been thrown away for about a week, and is approximately as tall as a relatively short student.
However, this research should come as a relief to the traumatized students of LSE, who can finally begin to clean up after themselves now that the risk of cancer has been removed. While Mount Everwaste and other secondary hills of garbage will no doubt be missed by some, this author looks forward to sitting at a table and not being able to tell how many bags of Lays or cups of tea the last occupants consumed.
LahoreSchool News and Broadcast Society.
(Author is a student of second year, double majors Economics and Political sciences)