No Trauma Like Crow Trauma
(Sorry Mr. Poe)
Okay first off, I know that dear Edgar Allen Poe wrote about a raven, and not a crow, but honestly, who cares about such technicalities when you have a crow flying towards you just waiting to rip your head off?
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, bless you and your innocent trauma-less life. For everyone else, I feel your pain. The crows of LSE are a terrible nuisance and annoyance for anyone who has ever tried to eat anything anywhere. Just in LSE though. And that too, not inside. Just outside, under the ‘open sky’. And that too, mostly in the afternoon. Okay so maybe not ~anywhere~, but it’s still annoying, ok?
Imagine: you’re walking through Shamyla Garden, enjoying life because hey, you have Beautiful Glorious Food, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, you feel something CLAW at your shoulder, and it feels like your hair is being ripped out (which in all honesty, it might be) and then BAM, there’s five crows on your head, two on your shoulder and one trying to claw the food out of your hand. You drop the Beautiful Glorious Food and look up to see an infantry of crows with the most sophisticated weaponry approaching, there’s even a battle tank making its way towards you. You realize that this is war, and do the only thing you can; run around like a deranged person while emitting shrieks akin to a dying horse. By know the army of crows will have taken your Beautiful Glorious Food far far away from you, and your dying-horse-like screams will have attracted a crowd that may or may not applaud once your low budget opera has ended.
You take a bow, curse the crows, and make your way towards the Trauma Center because you’re in definite need of therapy after this. The end.
If you or someone you know has been through this traumatic experience, my heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone, and that you’re definitely not to blame. You’re a victim! You can join our support group, which meets every day in the comments section of this post. You can share your experiences with people who’ve been through similar experiences, and hopefully we’ll all get through this together. Stay strong, dear reader.